This isn’t a Thanksgiving recipe, so I apologize if I burst your bubble.
A wise chicken once said, “Take it one day at a time.”
Back in September, when I was counting down the weeks and days until 7,926 miles didn’t separate us, I bought a “One Line a Day” journal. I’ve always been horrible at writing on a consistent basis – as demonstrated by this blog alone. I figured this might be my best shot at it and passing the time. I mean, how hard can writing one to two sentences to fill five lines be? I did really well at working through my thoughts until October 22, exactly one month ago. Then I just stopped.
I’ll admit I’ve been an emotional mess even if I’ve done a somewhat decent job of hiding it the few times I’ve seen friends in the recent weeks. I’ve turned into that girl. The one who cries in her boss’ office to her boss and to her co-worker in her boss’ office when her boss isn’t there because there’s no where to hide in an office building of thousands. The one who cries in an elevator to a stranger because they say you look sad and in random public places. Any of the few people who know the extent of my relationship history and the unbelievable sh-t I’ve been through know I’ve never been that girl (well, except that one time in a Chinatown alley, but that was something no one has yet to relate to).
I’m having a hard time processing how I can be bitter toward someone I’ve never met – and then so disrespected and angry toward another, yet still miss them every day and care the world about them. It all seems like an oxymoron. I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused or felt as bad about myself as I do.
It’s now Thanksgiving Eve and I’m sitting on sofa, alone, in the dark and drunk after a liquid dinner of a bottle of champagne and a bottle of wine. I’m supposed to be going home tomorrow, but to be honest, I haven’t felt like myself in weeks and have been considering every excuse possible to skip Thanksgiving (and hell, every holiday that follows to take me straight into 2013) to stay right here on my sofa.
I pulled out my “One Line a Day” journal tonight. I figured like the wise chicken said, I have to start somewhere, and maybe that and this is an easy place to start where I can stay within the safe confines of my sofa and sweatpants.
Today’s entry: I’m thankful for Christmas trees before Thanksgiving and after Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Charlie Brown holiday specials. And champagne. Lots of champagne.